Thoughts on listening

I came across this thought today and wanted to share it. I'd never thought of listening in this way before, had you?

"Listening is an expression of love. It often requires sacrifice. When we truly listen to others, we often give up what we want to say so they can express themselves."

~ From Teaching, No Greater Call, p 66

Reflections on my 2011 Renaissance Festival Book Signing

So I’ve been reflecting on this year’s Renaissance Festival book signing. Out of the many people I saw that day and especially among those who stopped to buy copies of my books, two memories in particular linger.

One group that stopped by consisted of five adults-- two couples, and an older woman in a wheel chair wearing dark glasses. One of the younger women asked me what my books were about. I told her they were historical romances set in the Middle Ages. She asked if they had wizards and witches and magic in them. Inwardly I sighed a bit, knowing how popular fantasy is these days, but told her no, my books were strictly historical. “How about vampires and werewolves? Do your books have those in them?” she asked. Again, I told her no, they were simply set during the reign of King Henry II of England. One of the men who was listening turned to the woman in the wheel chair and said, “Oh, Mother, these are just the kinds of books you like. The author will sign a copy for you and we’ll take turns reading the book to you.” They bought a copy of Loyalty’s Web, then took my picture with their mother. The man said his mother can’t see well enough to read anymore, so the four of them (the two couples) take turns reading books to her at night. I can’t express how touched I was to meet this sweet family caring so tenderly for their aging mother!

The other experience that lingers with me are the three young girls who stopped (separately) and bought copies of my books. One of the girls I know was 15, because her father told me. The other two looked very much around the same age. Sometimes I’ve seen parents initially discourage their daughters from my books as soon as they hear the word “romance”. I was prepared to reassure the parents that my romances are “clean”, but for some reason, this year none of the parents asked. They simply stood by with this great look of trust in their faces as their daughters read the backs of my books and made their own choices. I had the feeling that it never crossed these particular parents’ minds to even wonder whether the books were “appropriate” for their 15 year old daughters to be reading. Thankfully, I knew in my own mind that they were. As I autographed copies for each of these girls, I thought about the great weight of responsibility I have to provide wholesome reading material for them, but while thinking about “the weight of responsibility”, the actual feelings in my heart were very, very light. I have always been glad of the path I have chosen to write clean romances, but rarely have I felt quite so intensely grateful for the choice I have made. I have had young girls email me to tell me how much they appreciate my books. But actually looking into the sweet, fresh faces of these girls at the festival and knowing I was keeping a silent trust with their parents, a trust their parents didn’t even know I was keeping… I felt an approval stronger than I ever have before from my Heavenly Father. I pray I will keep this trust with my readers, young and old, for the rest of my life. 

Thoughts for a New Year

"No one was ever quite like you. The Lord made only one, without carbons. You are not repeated and not repeatable. The chance of there ever being someone identical to you must be compared to a number so high it doesn't even have a name; it would have to be written as a 1 followed by 9,031 zeros.


"No one else can do what the Lord sent you to mortality to do. The value of what you have to contribute will come through the expression of your own personality, that particular spark of the divine that makes you unique, setting you off from every other living creature. The mark you leave on the world, on the hearts and minds of others is as distinct as your thumbprint."


From Learn, Then Serve, a 1980 Relief Society booklet

It's Time For a Non-Virtual Experience

(cross-posted with slight adaptation on ANWAFounder&Friends)

Last Sunday, as I was getting dressed for an early morning Church meeting, I had cranked up the sound to a BYU Devotional on TV to listen to while I dressed. Now, you must understand that the TV is some distance from my bedroom and bathroom where the bulk of my “getting ready for Church” takes place, so between running water for such things as brushing my teeth and the A/C cycling on and off (yes, even at that hour of the morning, for you non-Arizonans who may be blinking in dismay), I don’t generally catch a lot of words from these early morning devotionals. But I do remember that the speaker last week was a woman, and during one interim of relative silence on my and the house’s part, one comment broke through that caught my attention. Speaking to a college age audience, she was warning them about spending too much time in cyberspace. The comment went something like this (paraphrasing): “I’ve heard many students say that they feel closer to their cyberspace friends than they do to actual people they know on campus.”

What she said in follow-up escaped me, as the A/C cycled on again, but from her tone of voice, I suspected this was not something she particularly approved of.

Her words struck both a chord of guilt and justification in me. I freely admit that I spend a lot of time with “virtual friends” on the internet. Not all of them are completely “virtual” anymore, as many of them are members of the American Night Writers Association whom I have now met at writing conferences and retreats, so I can count many them as “real people”, rather than the “virtual friends” they were to me for so many years. Yet some of them I still have never met, and there are other writers I have connected with in cyberspace that have become good friends, as well. Why have I bonded with these people in cyberspace? Because we share a common interest—writing!—and to be honest, because of where I live, except for that annual conference and writers retreat, I don’t get a chance to associate with other writers outside of cyberspace. And so I admit, on many levels, I feel closer to many of them through cyberspace than I do to non-writer acquaintances within my town.

Keep in mind that I am also single, so I have no husband and children to associate with on a consistent basis. Even my siblings live in different states, reducing our contacts to phone calls and—yes—cyberspace exchanges!

Hence, my “justification” for the time I spend with my “virtual friends”.

When I found myself invited last week to a Stampin’ Up! party with some other women in my church, my initial reaction was hesitance, even though the party was being sponsored by a friend of mine who lives some distance away who was coming to town just to instruct us in the art of paper crafting—a very non-virtual friend whom I continue to love very much. But I’m also quite shy (though you might question that self-description if you get me started talking about writing ;-) ) and have never particularly felt comfortable in large social groups. Even though I wanted to see this friend of mine very much, it still was a struggle to convince myself to go. But the words of that BYU Devotional kept coming back to haunt (or more likely, prompt) me. “You need to go have a non-virtual experience, Joyce. You need to go be around some living, breathing people, even if just for a few hours.”

Don’t you hate it when you know you should go do something “because it’ll be good for you”, when you really don’t want to do it? But I couldn’t get that voice out of my head. “You need to go have a non-virtual experience.” And so I pushed myself into my car and drove down to the hostess’s house to learn how to Stamp Up some Christmas cards. If you knew what a complete craft klutz I am, even having been craft-humiliated to the point of tears on more than one occasion, you would understand why this non-virtual experience was a double challenge for me.

But you know what? I went, I was not humiliated (Stampin’ Up! must have been designed especially for craft klutzes like me—it’s like I couldn’t make this stuff look bad even if I tried!), and I had a good time! All the non-virtual women there were warm and welcoming, and one of them even said towards the end, “You need to come and play with us more often, Joyce.” And when she said that, I knew it was true. I need to “go play” with some non-virtual people sometimes, even if they aren’t writers.

This takes nothing away from my love for my writer friends, even if most of them remain “virtual” over most of the year. I’ll still spend time with them, because they nourish me and my writing in a way only other writers can do. But I will also try to remain more open to non-virtual experiences closer to home after this.

Hey! When is that next Stampin’ Up! party scheduled?

We Haven't Forgotten, Have We?

No, it's not the anniversary of this event, but as I was reading through the book of Isaiah today, I found tucked into chapter 40 a copy of the speech that President George W. Bush addressed to the nation when the space shuttle, Columbia, disintegrated upon re-entry into the atmosphere on February 1, 2003. President Bush quoted from Isaiah 40:26 the following:

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens. Who created all these? He who brings out the starry hosts one by one and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty stength not one of them is missing."

President Bush continued:

"The same creator who names the stars also knows the names of the seven souls we mourn today. The crew of the shuttle Columbia did not return safely to Earth; yet we can pray that all are safely home."