A little setup: Etienne (my hero) and Mathilde (my heroine) met the previous night in the castle of a young widow who is holding a tournament so that she can choose a new husband. Etienne persuaded Mathilde to give him the white ribbon in her hair to wear as a favor in the tournament, but when her brother finds out, he becomes angry and insists Mathilde get the ribbon back. This scene takes place the next morning on the field of tents where the knights are preparing for the tournament.
Mathilde’s violet eyes turned misty again. Etienne imagined she
longed for some man to be thus stricken over her. No doubt it was of Therri she
dreamed. What had she called him? The Vision? Etienne’s mouth quirked up in
rare envy of his friend.
She sighed and forced her gaze—reluctantly, he thought—to
refocus on his face.
“Pray, sir, it is most unchivalrous of you to tease me this way.
If you are a true knight, you will honor my request and give me back the
ribbon.”
Etienne hesitated. He wanted to wear her favor, but he realized
it was equally important to him that she should think well of him. If he
continued to refuse her request, she would think him a churlish brute.
Before he could decide how to answer, Hermaline swept through
her half-circle of mounted attendants, apparently tired of waiting for her
would-be champion to return. She bore down upon Etienne and Mathilde with
sparkling eyes, her veil fluttering in her hand like a banner of war. If he
were to surrender Mathilde’s ribbon, he told himself, then he must at least arm
himself with some other shield in its place.
“If I give it back
to you,” he said quickly to Mathilde, “what will you give me in exchange?”
“In exchange?”
“You agreed last
night to grant me your favor for the tournament today. If you insist that I
behave as a ‘true knight’ and return the ribbon you gave me, then I demand you
keep your word as a ‘lady’ and grant me some other favor in its stead.”
“But I told you
last night that I have nothing else to give you.”
Hermaline was nearly upon them.
“Then,” he murmured
to Mathilde, “I hope you will forgive me, for I am about to behave most
unchivalrously.”
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8 comments:
"I am about to behave most unchivalrously"--great line! I like Etienne already :) Good job with the scene building--with very few words (but great choices), you had me there with them. The dialogue is realistic as well, which is hard to do for medieval times. Great excerpt!
Oh, what a tease you are! Will he steal a kiss? I enjoyed this scene, especially the tension you created at the end with Hermaline getting closer and closer. Something has to happen quickly! I wonder what it will be.
I love the dialogue. You can really see yourself there. Good job.
Love your writing. Yes, I agree with Sandy that he tries to steal a kiss
I can't wait to read more! I am loving "Illuminations of the Heart," by the way. Not enough hours in the day to do all I wish.
Ha ha, what a churlish lad Etienne is setting himself up to be! Great work, Joyce.
Thank you, ladies. Yes, Etienne is a bit of a tease. ;-)
HA! Love that last line, and you capture the medieval dialogue very well. Sounds like an intriguing story! Happy sales to you!!
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