Friday, June 18, 2010

Jokes My Mother Stashed Away

While cleaning out a drawer of things that belonged to my mother, I found a small notebook with the following jokes in her handwriting. She loved jotting down jokes she heard from "wherever". For what they're worth, I'm sharing them with you. Take them as you will.


Lawyer: "You say you were about 35 feet from the scene of the accident. Now please tell the court just how far you can see clearly."

Witness: "Well, when I wake up in the morning I can see the sun. And they tell me it's about 93 million miles away."


The laziest man I ever knew was my friend Will Knot. Instead of signing his name, he just wrote, "Won't."


"First I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia, ending up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and inoculation."

"Boy, did you have a time!"

"I'll say! I thought I'd never get through that spelling test!"


"Why don't you answer the phone?"

"It isn't ringing."

"Do you always have to wait till the last minute?"


Janet: "I'm glad you named me Janet."

Mother: "Why?"

Janet: "Because that's what everybody calls me."

JOKE #6: (You've got to reach back in time a bit to get this one)

Elevator boy: "Here's you're floor, son."

Man/Passenger: "Son! How dare you call me that!"

Elevator boy: "Well, I brought you up, didn't I?"


LuAnn said...


What a great find, Joyce. Did your mother have a keen sense of humor?

Myself, I write down jokes because if I don't, I'll forget them. I'm sure my son will get a good chuckle when he goes through my computer.

Joyce DiPastena said...

Hi LuAnn!

Yes, my mother loved to laugh and loved to write down jokes, because if she didn't, she couldn't remember them, either. Your son will love it when he finds the jokes you've saved some day!

Marsha Ward said...

What a find, Joyce! Sorry I'm late making the rounds. I especially liked Joke #6, because it brought me a memory of the elevator of the J. C. Penney store in downtown Phoenix in the old days. It had an attended elevator. I think Korricks had one, too.

Kids: in those days you had to be trained in the use of the wheel/lever by which you escorted folks from floor to floor. No buttons like we push today in our do-it-yourself world!

Does anyone remember when you didn't pump your own gas?

Joyce DiPastena said...

I do, I do! I remember when you could drive to a gas station, ask them to "fill it up with regular" AND "check my oil"! Ah, the good ol' days.

Kimberly B. said...

Those are great! Your mother was clever to write them down--I can never remember jokes!